Live to the point of tears

I realized this afternoon, walking home with a textbook balanced on my head because my backpack was crammed full, why I do this to myself. Why I take these classes that make other people wince, or shake their heads and say "I envy your motivation."

It's the feeling that came when my history teacher was talking about all the things we'll need to know for the big qualifying test- nervousness, certainly, but also a secret thrill. The same thrill I felt on the day of finals last year- when I could rattle off the names of phyla and presidents, mathematical formulae and old egyptian pharaohs. I read somewhere that we use a sinfully tiny portion of our brains- less than 10%, maybe. The more I challange myself, the more I feel like I'm cutting into that empty 90%, even just a little.

The brain is such a stupid organism... all this empty space, dying to be used, but it stubbornly, grimly, empties and refills a tiny pocket of cells. Like trying to fill a bathtub with a spoon when there's a bucket right next to you. Like the early colonists, squeezing themselves into tiny houses in close-packed towns when there was a universe of a continent for them to explore- because they were afraid. I need to keep pushing myself because I'm dying to reach my limits and I know I never will.

Yeah, it's been awhile- but it'll be longer yet. For anyone who's watching or who cares, I'm taking a short hiatus from PPN- probably about a week. I may or may not pop into the chat. I've just got to catch up with some old, good friends.

~Missing, Kit

A promise is a promise

I did agree to it. And I consider myself lucky to not have been tagged for the 20-facts thing. *smirks*

Reply with your username.
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

And Ran- I'd like to say that's a hard question, but it's not. There's any number of criteria I could base a favorite author on; frequent updates, long chapters, or- as my teacher would have me believe- good spelling and precise grammar. If I base my decision on anything, though, it's that quick grin I can't surpress when I check my e-mails and find an update from one author in particular- an update that is always, miraculously, interesting and witty and unique in a way few people can manage, but always with a certain flair or finesse that's instantly recognizeable. It's an easy choice after all, and I wish they all were that easy.

*coughs and surreptitiously points at Ran*

Not that I'd name  a name or anything. *winks*

~Discreetly, Kit